{"id":1750,"date":"2009-04-10T23:40:59","date_gmt":"2009-04-11T03:40:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=1750"},"modified":"2009-04-10T23:40:59","modified_gmt":"2009-04-11T03:40:59","slug":"talking-myself-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=1750","title":{"rendered":"Talking myself down"},"content":{"rendered":"

Someone passed on this article about IVF and pregnancy symptoms<\/a>. It helped, if only a tiny bit. Right now I’ll take anything.<\/p>\n

I’m in this very weird limbo-land. I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not. I mean, I am – the pee-sticks say so – but am I really? I really like to jump into things with two feet, as evidenced by the ticker and me joining due date groups already. I like<\/i> it. It helps it feel real, helps me really celebrate it. But right now? Not so much. Now I don’t know if I should be celebrating at all.<\/p>\n

If this ends in miscarriage I’ll be okay with it – I will. It will suck a lot, but I realized today, when staring at that blood, that it felt a lot like seeing blood last cycle. A lot more like it than I anticipated. I guess I haven’t really bought in yet… I haven’t committed yet. But it also drove home the point that IVF failures feel a hell of a lot more like losses than I gave them credit for. No wonder you start to go off the deep end after multiple failures. But regardless… it’s survivable to me.<\/p>\n

What I’m taking from this right now is that I got pregnant with my own eggs!!!<\/i> If nothing<\/i> else, if this pregnancy crashes and burns and we have to do it all over again, at least I know that I can still get pregnant… that Devin was not a fluke. I was really starting to wonder, you know. If I ended up with three clear negative cycles in a row I was starting to wonder what the fuck else was wrong and whether or not it was time to start considering other options. This pregnancy feels like hope, like reassurance. I CAN get pregnant, we just have to keep trying.<\/p>\n

A second line is still a beautiful sight to behold.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Someone passed on this article about IVF and pregnancy symptoms. It helped, if only a tiny bit. Right now I’ll take anything. I’m in this very weird limbo-land. I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not. I mean, I am – the pee-sticks say so – but am I really? I really like to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[87],"class_list":["post-1750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-fet1"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1750","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1750"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1750\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1751,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1750\/revisions\/1751"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1750"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1750"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1750"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}