So the omnipresent question is… did you test? When are you testing? And my answer is… no. And I don’t know.<\/p>\n
Originally I was going to do my typical testing every two days up until the beta. Given the issues with timing and everything I planened to take a test – knowing it wouldn’t be conclusive – today, Tuesday, and then test again on Thursday, Christmas day. For a while I leaned towards wanting the Christmas morning surprize test. With the news of the lost frosty I decided to guard my heart and test on Tuesday, preparing myself for the worst.<\/p>\n
But I woke up today for work and only thought about testing for the briefest of moments. The thought was more an acknowledgement, Oh yeah, I was going to take a test today<\/i>, but then I shrugged and the thought was gone. After learning of a work delay I went back to sleep without a problem. No wondering what the test would show, no itching to find out as soon as possible.<\/p>\n
This is the first time in any of my cycles that I have ever felt this calm coming up to the end of the two week wait. I feel… resigned. I have absolutely no idea what the answer will be – it could go either way and I have no inclination to take a guess. I just feel like it’s going to be what it’s going to be, and either way it opens up a bunch of issues. In a way I feel safe right now, sitting in limbo. I know that I don’t know – I have a chance, but not a guarantee – and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.<\/p>\n
So Thursday, after<\/i> Christmas dinner and family visits, I will take a test that will tell me if I am waiting for the next stims or the next ultrasound. Both kind of scare me. But at least the answer on Thursday will be pretty reliable. Whatever I am given that night is what I will have to come to terms with.<\/p>\n
I am scared. I am sorrowful. I am hopeful.<\/p>\n
I ask not for a positive, since that is beyond my control. I ask only that I have the serenity to accept the result.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So the omnipresent question is… did you test? When are you testing? And my answer is… no. And I don’t know. Originally I was going to do my typical testing every two days up until the beta. Given the issues with timing and everything I planened to take a test – knowing it wouldn’t be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76],"class_list":["post-1431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1431","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1431"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1431\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1432,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1431\/revisions\/1432"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1431"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1431"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1431"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}