The last couple days I’ve been hitting the second half of the 2 week wait – which is to say, my optimism is faltering. And then we got the letter that stated: “Embryos Cultured to Day 6: 1; Blastocysts Frozen: 0.” I can say the wind has been sufficiently taken out of my sails.<\/p>\n
I sat on Den’s lap for a little bit while we both silently wondered the same thing: what does this mean about jellybean, the one we put inside us? The past week I had this thought that if our secondary choice was doing so fabulously, then the one we put inside me must<\/i> be doing well. The embryo in the petri dish was the shadow, the mirror.<\/p>\n
So now what does this mean? Does it mean the embryo quality this cycle simply wasn’t good enough? Or does it mean that the eggs that matured later just didn’t do a very good job of it? Or maybe it just means that my embryos prefer my uterus to a petri dish. I don’t know. They don’t know.<\/p>\n
Now we have no damn safety net. I didn’t feel so upset about this cycle not taking, because we could just pop in the second one for another try at it. No going through this stimming and fertilization bullshit with the added fun of OHSS. Two chances for the price of one!<\/p>\n
I was just so surprized and happy at the thought of having a frozen egg. It was so monumental, so unexpected in this fight against my egg maturity problem. It felt like a victory. Well, an almost-victory.<\/p>\n
The last week before testing is always so filled with anxiety and unease, bouncing from convinced that it worked to convinced that it didn’t. I much prefer the contentment and conviction of hope that permeates my first week. The wait was always bad enough without disappointing news in the middle of it.<\/p>\n
I guess I shouldn’t feel too surprized by this. I was happy just to know that we had one good embryo. And somehow I think I would have felt much better right now if we had only one to start with. I was given something, then had it taken away. And that really pisses me off.<\/p>\n
Enough with the taunting, life. Let me get on with it in a straight line. I am tired<\/i> of roller coasters.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The last couple days I’ve been hitting the second half of the 2 week wait – which is to say, my optimism is faltering. And then we got the letter that stated: “Embryos Cultured to Day 6: 1; Blastocysts Frozen: 0.” I can say the wind has been sufficiently taken out of my sails. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76],"class_list":["post-1409","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1409","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1409"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1409\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1411,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1409\/revisions\/1411"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1409"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1409"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1409"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}