In a big DUH<\/i> moment last night I realized why for the past few weeks I’ve been taking two hours to fall asleep and sleeping like crap: we removed the air conditioner. It’s too quiet.<\/i> Or, rather, it’s not only so quiet that my ears are buzzing, but every little breath that my husband makes behind me sounds ten times louder. I can’t friggin sleep.<\/p>\n
Apparently I need a white noise machine. I also need an air purifier, so maybe I’ll just get a noisy purifier and kill two birds with one stone.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
My husband has a dog that I don’t really get along with. This morning when I get out bed I saw him laying on the floor and, for whatever reason, it just struck me. I knelt down and gave him a hug. You could see the look in his eyes go from wariness to confusion to happiness. He leaned over to lick my hand, and sighed happily as I scratched his neck and hugged him again.<\/p>\n
It struck me then what a terrible bitch I have been to my furkids the last year. I was really tired when I was pregnant, so I didn’t spend much time with them. But at least when I was pregnant and tired I wasn’t mean<\/i>. Since Devin died, I have to say, my patience with them all is at about nil. I just get so<\/i> frustrated with all of them. I don’t want to hear them make noise, I’m tired of picking up things they knock all over, I’m tired of vacuuming daily to keep up on the fur. I don’t want to play. Quite frankly I just want them to go away.<\/p>\n
And it wrenches me inside. This is not who I am. I vowed to do better for them than this. They deserve better. I don’t know how to get past this irritation level, but I need to start making it up to them. I need to spend more time with them.<\/p>\n
Last night my little dog jumped up on the bed and I started playing with her. When she realized I was playing it was like she started glowing, the grin on her face was huge<\/i>. When she’s happy she sparkles anyways, but you could just see the joy radiating from her as she mock-growled and smacked at my hand, dancing in place with her tail wagging furiously. I laughed so hard at her antics – real, deep belly laughs that I haven’t heard in a while from myself. It was brief, quickly over, but it’s there.<\/p>\n
This evening when I got home both dogs whined as they pressed against me, so happy I was home. Den’s dog wantered off and I thought at first he had lost interest and decided to go back to sleep. But he went into his crate, then turned and came back out… with a toy. He brought me a present. It made me want to cry.<\/p>\n
If we had even half the capability of forgiveness that they did, we would be saints.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In a big DUH moment last night I realized why for the past few weeks I’ve been taking two hours to fall asleep and sleeping like crap: we removed the air conditioner. It’s too quiet. Or, rather, it’s not only so quiet that my ears are buzzing, but every little breath that my husband makes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1344","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1344"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1344\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}