![\"\"](\"http:\/\/img.photobucket.com\/albums\/v240\/lunarmagic\/Nat\/Halloween08.jpg\")
<\/p>\nI have written before about how my body no longer handles my favorite alchohol beverages the way it used to. I have not been drinking much in the past several months. But last night was a party, and last night I had several drinks.<\/p>\n
This morning I had to be at work at 8am.<\/p>\n
Not what I should call a good combination. I didn’t feel very well this morning. I wasn’t like throwing up or anything, no headache… just a really upset stomach. And I was really, really tired.<\/p>\n
I’ve been feeling exceedingly antisocial for the past few weeks. I work, I sleep, and I don’t have a whole lot of interest in anything else. Every week is just another hurdle to get closer to my goals. I put my head down and just keep going. Every week my goal is set on Sunday, the last day of the week… and then when Sunday comes I feel disoriented and without purpose for the day. Then I drive headlong into another week. The time goes faster this way.<\/p>\n
The party last night was a costume party. Most years I’ve made my own costumes for these sorts of things, but this year I had no energy or inclination to do so. In the costume store I poked around at the different packages of pre-made outfits “one size fits some.” Most were too cutesie. The maid. The sexy devil. Too chirpy, too upbeat. I knew what I felt, but I had no idea what I was looking for – until I found it.<\/p>\n
A Fallen Angel. Black dress, black wings, black halo askew. Fishnet stockings ripped, like I’d just crawled through hell. I painted my fingernails black. I smudged mascara around my eyes as if I’d been crying for days. <\/p>\n
For most halloween is a time to dress up as a character, to play as someone else. But last night I dressed up as me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
What once was high, now has fallen. What once was joy, now is sorrow. What once was light, now is dark.<\/p>\n
Last year I went to the halloween party pregnant. This year I went with empty arms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have written before about how my body no longer handles my favorite alchohol beverages the way it used to. I have not been drinking much in the past several months. But last night was a party, and last night I had several drinks. This morning I had to be at work at 8am. Not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69,74],"class_list":["post-1332","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss","tag-ttc2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1332","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1332"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1332\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1332"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1332"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1332"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}