Sometimes – it doesn’t happen often, but once in a rare while – I will find myself daydreaming, thinking, We can do that with Dev-…<\/i> And then searing pain pierces my chest as I am slammed back to the present, choked with the reality that we will never<\/i> do anything with Devin ever again.<\/p>\n
The memories are precious; the broken dreams are hell.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
I look at the calendar with a sense of relief. Only two more weeks to wait. Two weeks seems so close, I can handle that. Sometimes during the day I glance at the countdown. When I see “15 days left” I feel something relax in my head, in my body… something I didn’t even know I was tensing. It is relief, it is hope. It is a date, a promise.<\/p>\n
I am worried, a little, about this month. I would not have thought this is what I would have wanted, but suddenly now that we are here, the month when we conceived a year ago, I realize that I really want to be pregnant this month. I want to follow Devin’s footsteps. And maybe it would be better for me if I didn’t… if my next pregnancy is on a different time schedule. But right now there’s nothing I’d like more than to be due in April. Maybe next time I will get my April baby… on time and healthy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sometimes – it doesn’t happen often, but once in a rare while – I will find myself daydreaming, thinking, We can do that with Dev-… And then searing pain pierces my chest as I am slammed back to the present, choked with the reality that we will never do anything with Devin ever again. The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1216"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1216\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}