{"id":1198,"date":"2008-07-04T00:11:12","date_gmt":"2008-07-04T04:11:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=1198"},"modified":"2008-07-04T00:11:12","modified_gmt":"2008-07-04T04:11:12","slug":"gift-and-struggles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/?p=1198","title":{"rendered":"Gift and Struggles"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today I got in the mail a notice from FirstCandle<\/a> that several online friends of mine made a donation to stillbirth research in Devin’s memory. Thank you, girls!!<\/i> I have looked at March of Dimes, knowing that many people choose to donate to them. I was looking for something that did more for stillbirth reserach, however. And you girls seem to have found what I was looking for, without me saying a word. That means so very much.<\/p>\n

::<\/p>\n

I’ve been thinking about my SIL a lot. I haven’t talked to her since the last time I went over there, which was over 2 weeks ago. At first it was because I wanted to give them space… then I realized I needed to give me<\/i> space. It was a heck of a lot easier on me to just not think about them. I tried hard those first two weeks of BabyH’s life… I tried really hard. I got through it, I dealt with a lot of grief issues, I cried a lot. And then I just needed a break.<\/p>\n

But now I’m feeling guilty. I know they understand why, but… I’m sad. SIL is a friend and I don’t like avoiding her. Of course today, the day that I start really feeling like I could or should go over there I can’t – I’m sick. No going near baby. So I’ll just have to wait a little longer.<\/p>\n

::<\/p>\n

I’m in a kind of crappy place of thinking maybe I am pregnant<\/i>. I say crappy because what I REALLy want to do is shove my fingers in my ears and say LALALA until such time as I get a positive pregnancy test and can celebrate. Until that point all I have to look forward to is the building hope every cycle, and then the punch in the gut at the end of it. I’d found a nice zen place to be, but it’s getting harder and harder to just let it go. I WANT this. And when you WANT something it hurts when you don’t have it. Sometimes I really hate hope.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today I got in the mail a notice from FirstCandle that several online friends of mine made a donation to stillbirth research in Devin’s memory. Thank you, girls!! I have looked at March of Dimes, knowing that many people choose to donate to them. I was looking for something that did more for stillbirth reserach, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[9,76,74],"class_list":["post-1198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-family","tag-ivf-3","tag-ttc2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1198"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}