![\"\"](\"http:\/\/img.photobucket.com\/albums\/v240\/lunarmagic\/TTC\/opk-cycle-2.jpg\")
<\/p>\nAfter a week of testing with OPKs I finally got a positive one this morning – ovulation is forthcoming. ‘Course I could have told you that because of my CM, but a little confirmation makes me obsess less about reading the signs right. I’m still a little shocked that my body is actually producing an LH surge that is being picked up by OPKs… I had rotten luck with them before.<\/p>\n
Here’s this months OPKs all lined up.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Last month I ovulated on about cycle day 23. This month it appears I’ll be ovulating on either cycle day 18 or 19. This is progress, and I am pleased.<\/p>\n
Just for shits and giggles I plugged friday into a due date calculator to see where it would land me. March 20. Which would place Devin’s birthday smack at 38 weeks. And Den’s birthday is 3 days after the due date. So would I be thrilled to get pregnant this month? Absolutely. But, for mental health reasons regarding the timing, if I don’t get pregnant I won’t be too upset either. I’m letting the universe take care of the timing on this one.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
Last night I was laying in bed trying to sleep, my thought processes immersed in plans for TTC, what I’ll do when I’m pregnant, and feeling frustrated about being in limbo.<\/p>\n
It hit me then that I’m right smack in the middle of it all again. The TTC obsession. The planning sex and plotting dates and wondering and worrying and waiting. When I realized that I just had this flash of overwhelming frustration. For a moment I actually had a desire to go backwards<\/i> in time to when I was grieving more<\/i>, grieving enough that I couldn’t think of anything but surviving… that I felt lost and adrift and was starting to shift my focus to things like hobbies and work. There was nothing else then, and I had to find something new. But at least it was new! At least it was something external, out in the world. Now I’m right back where I fucking started, and I am not happy about it. I don’t know how to TTC without surrounding myself with it all. There’s a part of me that enjoys<\/i> it.<\/p>\n
It’s a timesink, and it’s deceiving. You start putting things off because “next month I might be pregnant.” You plan around things just in case. You put your heart on your sleeve every month, anticipating, being disappointed.<\/p>\n
I’m glad my cycle took as long as it did to return. I was still in limbo, but at least it was a quiet limbo. No ripples, no worries. Just existing. I guess my body knew what was best for me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
After a week of testing with OPKs I finally got a positive one this morning – ovulation is forthcoming. ‘Course I could have told you that because of my CM, but a little confirmation makes me obsess less about reading the signs right. I’m still a little shocked that my body is actually producing an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[74],"class_list":["post-1183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-ttc2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1183","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1183"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1183\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}