Today I had the occasion to go up to my husband and say, “There is a pee stick in the bathroom. IT IS NOT A PREGANCY TEST. Repeat: it is NOT a pregnancy test. So please, don’t walk in there and freak out thinking I’m pregnant or anything.”<\/p>\n
Yeah, I took an ovulation test. Haven’t used those darn things in over 2 years, but my body is totally playing psych!<\/i> so I thought I’d use the few that were stashed in the cupboard just to see what’s up. End result: I’m no more enlightened than before, there was no blazing ovulation positive.<\/p>\n
My body, you see, it’s all fucked up. I thought I had ovulated a week ago, I had some little ovulation pangs, plus it was around the right time. I guess I got way too complacent with my predictable body schedule. I stopped paying attention (since Den is constantly harping on me to stop obsessing over what my body’s doing<\/i>). We also stopped having sex. Then today I notice my CM, well, it’s very… fertile<\/i>-looking. It seriously took me a few seconds to realize I was looking at EWCM, I was quite confused for a while (boy, it’s been a long time). But there it was, staring at me and I’m all well, shit<\/i>. So maybe my body hasn’t gotten back to its normal schedule. So I guess we’ll get back to the “dance” so we don’t miss any chances. Just in case.<\/p>\n
This also means, however, that I can’t be expecting my period next week like I thought. That’s good, in a way… the dates are all fuzzy so I can’t be freaking out on one specific date like I used to (only to have AF show up the next morning). But it’s also longer to wait. Bugger.<\/p>\n
I sure hope this works. I hope I hope I hope. But… okay, so there’s a part of me that is very cognizant that, based on LMP, if I got pregnant I’d be due mid-February. Before<\/i> Devin’s birthday. I wonder how I would handle that… having another baby before a year has passed. So I remind myself of that, remind myself that planning and worrying is great but there are no guarantees, due dates aren’t guarantees either, so I need to just release it all and let nature take its course, however it will go. And I keep repeating that, so hoping I won’t be too disappointed if the first or second months don’t work. It’s all good, right? It’s all okay.<\/p>\n
But shit the waiting sucks. This open-ended wait… with nothing to count down to, nothing to look forward to until another month on repeat<\/i>. It just sucks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today I had the occasion to go up to my husband and say, “There is a pee stick in the bathroom. IT IS NOT A PREGANCY TEST. Repeat: it is NOT a pregnancy test. So please, don’t walk in there and freak out thinking I’m pregnant or anything.” Yeah, I took an ovulation test. Haven’t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1151","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1151"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1151\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}