Don’t get the impression that I’m always calm and accepting of my life and working through things in a positive, healthy way. I’m not.<\/p>\n
This evening I’m simply pissed off<\/i>. I’m pissed that this happens to people at all, what with all our fancy medicine and knowledge. I’m pissed that, of all the people in the world, it had to happen to me<\/i>. I’m pissed that my husband, who is fantastic<\/i> with kids, still does not have a child to raise. I’m pissed that all this time and energy and love I invested in my child counted for absolutely nothing<\/i> in the end. I’m pissed that we had to go through two IVFs just to get pregnant in the first place when so many people just have to get naked to get knocked up. I’m pissed that my mom’s first grandchild is a dead baby. I’m pissed that now when I get into a funk I just don’t get mopey about little random shit, I start bawling because it hurts so much that my son isn’t here. I’m pissed that I have to go through life with this “new normal” when all I wanted was a child. I mean, I’m not asking for that fucking much. For a large percentage of the world having a family involves throwing out the birth control. So why, WHY for us does it have to involve so much fear and pain and suffering?<\/p>\n
But I don’t like writing here when I feel like this. I write, just not here. I should at least make some sort of note of my bad days\/hours, just so when I look back I know they were there. But what is there really to say? I am angry. Of course I’m angry. It fucking sucks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Don’t get the impression that I’m always calm and accepting of my life and working through things in a positive, healthy way. I’m not. This evening I’m simply pissed off. I’m pissed that this happens to people at all, what with all our fancy medicine and knowledge. I’m pissed that, of all the people in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1143"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}