I am currently halfway through watching The Business of Being Born. I had it on my list for a few months now…. I really wanted to see it but… Devin. Tonight I wanted to watch something; that movie popped up on Netflix and I thought, well, let’s try it. I had a positive birth experience and still hold close in my heart the image of next time, so maybe I’ll be able to watch it.<\/p>\n
So far it is an excellent movie, like everyone has said. Really well done. Definitely worth a watch. (And it’s available on Play It Now on Netflix.) And I’m not having such a hard time with it.<\/p>\n
I have conflicting thoughts about the whole idea of homebirth. I used to be in favor of it, though not passionately so. I would snort at the idea of needing a hospital to feel safe, and patiently explain to my husband that emergencies were rare and you would get transferred to a hospital if you really needed it. But now? How do I reconcile that with what has happened to me? Where do I stand now?<\/p>\n
One thing that keeps going through my head is that what happened to Devin couldn’t have been prevented either way. Whether or not I was seen prenatally by a midwife in my own home or driving into a big bustling hospital with ultrasound machines, it didn’t make a whit of difference now did it. Between one visit and the next, boom, over. Nothing to be done.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, now I’m exceedingly aware that things can go terribly wrong in an otherwise natural, picture-perfect process. I know that next time I will want extra monitoring, I will probably be a nervous wreck.<\/p>\n
But does that mean I don’t trust in the natural process anymore? … I don’t think it does. While watching this movie I feel a sense of pride and peace when watching natural childbirth. I do<\/i> believe in it. And I still don’t think doctors should be meddling when they shouldn’t and possibly making things worse. There has to be some kind of balance between a safety net and supporting things progressing naturally.<\/p>\n
I think about the fact that my next birth will be in a hospital, I will more than likely not ever have a homebirth. Despite what I know and agree with regarding hospitals in general I don’t think that bothers me. When I think back to my labor experience I felt very supported. I had interventions due to needing to be induced because of Devin’s death, but I didn’t get any more interventions than I asked for or needed. And all the way through I got the feeling that if it were a normal birth and I had walked in wanting a medication-free birth I would have been supported.<\/p>\n
They didn’t hook me up to the monitors right away, not until it had been a couple of hours and I had made some good progress. Then when they placed the monitor on me I sort of forgot it was there half the time. I didn’t even think to look at the screen. They would come in and check on the progress and I remember feeling surprized every time they commented on how I was contracting really well. I can see why natural childbirth books strongly recommend not staring at the contractions on the monitor. I was so focused inward that my perception of things was completely different. I’m really quite glad that I had that dissociation with what was “really” happening on the monitors. I connected with my body and listened to it, flowed with it. I was an active participant, not just an observer.<\/p>\n
I really think my hospital is a good one. I’m sure there could be improvements, and it is still a hospital, but as far as hospitals go I feel very very good about it. I think one of the things I walked away from it all with was the belief that you really do need to have a care provider and birth setting that you can trust. I know some women feel like they can walk into a typical hospital and force things to go the way you want them to go – and you know, they probably can. But personally I would not want to spend my time arguing with people and watching everything they do like a hawk. I would not want to have to deal with nurses who don’t believe in what you’re doing. I don’t want to have to second-guess suggestions that my doctor makes. I trusted my midwife, so if she said I needed something then I knew it wasn’t just for protocol’s sake, as it wasn’t in their normal protocol. Of course I’m not going to just blindly go along with anything, either – and Den was looking out for my best interests as well – but I really think it helps overall to have a calm, peaceful environment, which involves having people around who are willing to support you in the way that you need them to.<\/p>\n
I really really do look forward to my next labor experience. I have no doubt now that I can go medication-free. I’m really interested to see how a non-induced labor would go for me, if I get that chance. I wonder if the labor will be at all similar to my first one… will it, too, be short and fast? Relatively pain-free?<\/p>\n
It occurred to me that my pregnancy will also likely be different from my first one. I wonder just how different it will be. Will I puke for half the pregnancy again? Will I be as pain-free and light on my feet again? I also really wonder what the last month will be like, since I never got to experience that. I wonder if I would have hit the “I’m done now” point and when it would have been. I wonder when I would have gone into labor.<\/p>\n
So many things I wish could have happened. I hope I get a second chance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am currently halfway through watching The Business of Being Born. I had it on my list for a few months now…. I really wanted to see it but… Devin. Tonight I wanted to watch something; that movie popped up on Netflix and I thought, well, let’s try it. I had a positive birth experience […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1098","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1098"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1098"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1098"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1098"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}