My mom arrived today and it has been good.<\/p>\n
At one point she brought out something and said, “I really don’t know if I should give this to you…” She looked so torn. It was a scrapbook of my pregnancy that she had been working on all the way through. She said she didn’t get the last couple photos in it, she couldn’t bring herself to do it now (at least not yet). So we both cried as I looked through it. Oh how happy memories can hurt so much.<\/p>\n
So then we just sat and talked…. babies and friends and labor and pregnancy and even a little religion.<\/p>\n
She told me all about all the people – some I know, some I don’t – who send their condolences and prayers. This has been such a hugely far-reaching tragedy. I am most impressed by how very deeply people react. Mom says people I don’t even know, like my parents’ neighbors and women in my mom’s social groups, are crying when she tells them the news. I feel like the entire world is weeping for us – more people than I ever could have imagined.<\/p>\n
Everyone I talk to about Devin has mentioned that, by talking about Devin to others, they are finding more and more people who have suffered through a similar thing. Everyone seems shocked at how often it happens, and at how many people they know have had a baby die. My mom said a neighbor, after finding out about our loss, insisted mom come inside and sit down for a drink, and told mom she had lost a child in stillbirth. An older woman my mom has known since childhood shared that she had two third-trimester losses before they had their living daughter. It leaves everyone feeling a little stunned, I think… realizing that this really happens to people they know.<\/p>\n
I am just so glad that these women share their stories. I think it’s helped my mom a little bit to know that others have gone through this too… I know it helps me. And, just like with infertility, the more that people hear about it the better they will understand when they run across it…. the more compassion and insight they will have. I can’t help but think about 20 years ago when no one mentioned it, when it was swept under the rug. I think about how very aweful it must have felt to have such a huge loss ignored… how very alone they must have felt.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
I am still dealing with jaw\/teeth issues. I have been feeling it in my actual jaw rather than my teeth, though my teeth still hurt. I can feel how tight it all is, I keep massaging the area and fake-yawning in an effort to get it to relax. I am carrying SO much tension and I don’t really know how to get it to release.<\/p>\n
My stomach is still bothering me. It honestly feels just like when you go far too long without eating… when you are so hungry it physically hurts. It’s the whole area above my belly button and below my ribs. Except this doen’t go away when I eat. It’s being problematic, because I keep eating in an effort to feel better. It’s my knee-jerk reaction, to wander into the kitchen and eat something. But eating isn’t all that easy either… things just don’t sit well and the aching in my stomach continues, combined with the food I just ate, and it makes me feel a little bit like puking. So yeah, I’m starting to think the idea of it being “simply” stress is a pretty good one.<\/p>\n
Another strange occurrence: one morning when I was still in bed I could feel my heart start thumping. It didn’t speed up, it actually seemed to slow down… but it was like I could feel each pulse shake my chest. Thump…….. thump……… thump.<\/i><\/p>\n
I remarked to Den today that it’s not really surprizing<\/i> that I am having so many different body\/health issues. I am normally such a healthy person – I really don’t get sick very often – but everything is so strained right now, all this emotional weight I’ve been carrying… I am not surprized it’s manifesting itself in strange ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My mom arrived today and it has been good. At one point she brought out something and said, “I really don’t know if I should give this to you…” She looked so torn. It was a scrapbook of my pregnancy that she had been working on all the way through. She said she didn’t get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[9,76,69],"class_list":["post-1092","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-family","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1092"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}