I know people in the community are struggling with a feeling of guilt over what they have, going on with their lives in the face of what happened to us. Trust me, I know – I’ve been having guilt over going on with the little things when Devin is gone. But life can’t stop. I don’t want there to be silence when I enter the figurative room. I know it’s awkward, and I know people don’t really know what to say and are afraid of hurting me. I understand that. But don’t let it get in the way. Don’t let it hold you back. I don’t want Devin to be ignored or forgotten, but I also want to have normal conversations about normal things.<\/p>\n
Once in a while I am sure there are going to be things that hurt me. Things around my house pop up and remind me of Devin, and yes it hurts. But I would not – and do not – choose to hide them away either. I hurt because I love, because I remember. I can’t hide away from everything – and I wouldn’t want to. Things are going to hurt, but every day it hurts a little less.<\/p>\n
Some days I can’t bear to “be around” newborns and pregnant women…. when that happens I take a break from those journals, from those forums. I don’t blame you for having a newborn or being pregnant. I would never ask you to “hide” from me just in case I might be feeling bad. Some days I feel okay, and those days I happily read your blogs and journals and catch up and comment. If I’m there it’s because I WANT to see your beautiful children, because I want to share in your life. Don’t apologise for having what you have. As Diane said, honor us by loving the ones you have… cherish them… appreciate them. That’s all I ask for.<\/p>\n
(On the flip side, I am sorry if I cause you pain. I know that our loss has affected so many people across my communities, who not only hurt for us but are now worried for themselves. I know that seeing such an unexpected loss hit close to home can suddenly make things a little too scary. I find myself worrying a little bit that me posting around in others’ journals will make it harder on my friends, will be a reminder of what could go wrong. For that I’m sorry.)<\/p>\n
ETA – I wrote that last paragraph quite wrong. I didn’t mean to say that I think I personally am bringing sadness to others or that I feel responsible. It’s more that I realize how widespread this is and that so many people feel the ripples from it, and I feel sad about that. “Sorry” was definitely a poor word choice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I know people in the community are struggling with a feeling of guilt over what they have, going on with their lives in the face of what happened to us. Trust me, I know – I’ve been having guilt over going on with the little things when Devin is gone. But life can’t stop. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1077"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}