Looking over some very recent photos of myself I realized I gained a little bit more than I thought I had. I have more left than just a flabby stomach. My face is a little more round than it used to be, my thighs a little bit wider. My body is doing well enough with shedding the pregnancy weight, but it does occur to me that I’m going to need to do more than sit on my ass if I want to get my body back into some semblence of health and shape again. (At midwife appointments they would ask me if I was getting exercise. I would say, “Ummm, well, I go up and down the stairs a lot at work…”)<\/p>\n
So… I’ve started walking. Walking<\/i>, people. I hate<\/i> walking. And I apparently suck at it – I can’t even make the little loop around the block (less than a mile) without my chest and sides hurting and feeling completely out of breath. It’s pathetic. But it’s getting a little easier each day. Den and I go together, we take both dogs with us. We’re all four out of shape, but I’m definitely the one lagging behind.<\/p>\n
I am pleased with the progress I’ve already made though – not that I think it was any of my own doing. Down to around 148lbs already.<\/p>\n
I feel really driven by this need to get in shape. Maybe it won’t last very long – that remains to be seen. But while I’m waiting to get pregnant again, I just feel this desire to do what I can to be happy with my body. Maybe it’s simply something that I can have some control over.<\/p>\n
My boobs are back to normal, by the way. Two or three days ago they started feeling a little better. Yesterday they felt a LOT better – I even felt brave enough to sleep without a bra on. Today they feel pretty much the way they always have. And I’m quite pleased to say that if they did get any new stretch marks they are very minor ones, and constrained to the underside of my boobs. And they don’t seem any less perky than ever. Yay.<\/p>\n
::<\/p>\n
My reactiveness to babies\/pregnancy seems to be limited to people in the third trimester and newborns. Older children (like even those 9 months and older) don’t seem to trigger a huge kneejerk reaction in me. And people earlier in their pregnancy don’t seem to bother me as much, I can handle that and even sometimes look forward to my next pregnancy (if I’m feeling positive enough to think that it’ll happen soon). But third trimester getting-ready-to-give-birth? Newborn I-can’t-believe-I-have-a-baby? Not so good for me right now. I’ve had a couple of unexpected meltdowns when just randomly reading things online. It really, truly sucks because of course I was nesting and building relationships with people who were due right around when I was and now suddenly I can’t go near the very thing that comforted and reassured me. And I know that friends understand (and if they don’t they’re not much of a friend!). But it’s upsetting to me. I want<\/i> to participate and cheer people on. I just can’t.<\/p>\n
I’ve had a lot of experience feeling jealous and upset by babies. At least I don’t feel bitter<\/i> anymore (not at the moment, anyway). I was so bitter before I got pregnant, and I hated it. Now I’m just sad. But I’m just really pissed off to be back here right when I was finally getting over it, getting past it. I’m so done with this shit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Looking over some very recent photos of myself I realized I gained a little bit more than I thought I had. I have more left than just a flabby stomach. My face is a little more round than it used to be, my thighs a little bit wider. My body is doing well enough with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":71,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[76,69],"class_list":["post-1069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ivf-3","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/71"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1069"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lunardreams.net\/baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}