Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies

Third Birthday

March 7, 2011 — 12:45 am

It was raining today – drizzly, cold, grey-skied rain. I don’t recall the weather three years ago on March 6th, but I do remember it was grey and raining slightly a month later at Devin’s memorial. This kind of weather makes me think of that day, makes me think of him. So very appropriate for today.

I was so crabby this morning. Everything sucked. There were dirty dishes and cat poop and clutter to clean and I just hated all of it. Den was ice-fishing this morning, which we both agreed was probably better for all involved, him being home would just have put him in my crossfires. Kate couldn’t understand why my mood was alternating between short-tempered and weepy. There was no sit down sobbing, just a few random tears, brought on by something else. Of course I knew why they really came. Thankfully by afternoon the melancholy had gone.

We invited a few family members over for dinner – nothing big, not the entire extended family, but just a few for a nice sit-down dinner, as has been our tradition every year. We cleaned, we cooked, we sat down with the babies and played. Every year gets a little fuller, a little easier. The first year there was just our little niece, so close in age to what Devin should have been. The second year I was pregnant with Kate and SIL was pregnant with her boys. And this year here she was, and so were the twins. So much noise! Musical toys and babies shrieking and kids talking. But you know, this year it didn’t feel like someone was missing. Devin was present, in memory, in spirit. And he was present in his little sister.

It was a good day.

8 responses to “Third Birthday”

  1. Raychel says:

    *hugs you tight* I am so glad that each year it gets a little easier. I know it will never be “right” but at least we get the gift of pain getting less and less raw as the years pass by.

  2. Kristy29 says:

    Huge ~hugs~ from me Natalie, I’m so glad you were surrounded by so much love and noise tonight.

  3. Sally says:

    Sending love and remembering Devin.
    xo

  4. Delenn says:

    Thinking of you and remembering Devin. Glad to know that the evening dinner was full of warmth and his presence.

  5. Remembering Devin along with you.

  6. Justine says:

    Hugs to you … remembering Devin with you, and glad that he was here in your family this weekend.

  7. Laura says:

    Remembering Devin with you. Love to you and your family.

  8. loribeth says:

    Remembering Devin with you. Glad it was a nice day for you.