Another label
I’ve always had an issue with the phone. A big one. Most teenaged girls glued their phone to their ear for the entire evening, and there I was, avoiding mine at all costs. I hated answering it, I hated calling people. My mom would get very frustrated and a little angry with me. “Just call and ask!” She didn’t see what the big deal was, and to be honest neither did I. I didn’t know why I disliked it so much, I just did.
Over time I have learned to prepare myself to use the phone. Speaking to people I know well is fine now, but for all other calls I have a process. I get a pen and paper ready, I jot down notes, I rehearse, and I have to have complete quiet.
I have had many years to ponder this issue, and realized that I have trouble hearing people. Or, rather, understanding them. Having a silent room to phone from is of paramount importance – any sound at all and I can’t understand a word that is said. It’s almost like my brain gets distracted… like the background noise garbles up the signal. I’m constantly asking, “Sorry, what was that?” Even when conditions are perfect, it is hard work. It takes all my concious effort to keep up with the conversation, and I feel quite exhausted afterwards.
I mentioned this offhand to my therapist last week, and she asked a few questions of me to get a better understanding of it. Do I have the same problems talking face-to-face? No, it’s much easier when the person is in front of me. Maybe it’s the connection I need, she said, that I don’t react well when it’s not personal. No, I countered – I love email and written communication… in fact, I prefer that over all else. Her suggestion was that the probems that I have on the phone I also have in face-to-face, but that I rely on visual cues to fill in the gaps. She said I might be lip reading far more than I am aware.
I’ve been paying attention for the week since then it all seems to make sense. I looked it up, and this is what I found: Auditory Processing Disorder. Well holy shit.
* It’s a processing disorder, not a hearing problem. Which explains my confusion all these years. I thought there couldn’t be anything wrong, since I have very sensitive hearing. But the problem is in my brain translating the sound to language.
* I have a hellish time understanding any kind of instructions given verbally. I always always have required it to be written down. Even if I only glance at it once, it still stays in my head that way. My parents used to argue with me and give me verbal driving directions and I would throw a fit… I just could not understand verbal directions.
* “need more time to process information” – This is one of the ways I’ve described what I’m dealing with. When I get verbal information I feel like I’m always three steps behind, struggling to process it all.
* “develop a dislike for locations with background noise such as bar, clubs or other social locations” – I despise them. I usually just give up completely. I usually end up just nodding and smiling a lot, because I can’t figure out what the fuck anyone is saying. Visual clues only get me so far.
Obviously whatever I have does not extend into other things. I am not autistic, dyslexic, ADD, or a language procesing disorder that extends into written words. It’s solely the auditory processing.
It does explain a lot, though. I like it when the puzzle pieces of my brain fall together a little bit more. Like when I was sorta-diagnosed with OCPD. Little things that basically explain who I am and how I function.
I should probably get formally tested and diagnosed with this APD, but to be honest, I don’t feel like shelling out hundreds of dollars in copays for something that have had all my life and have learned to cope with. I simply don’t see any benefits to being officially diagnosed. It’s not like depression, that you can “fix” with a medication. I know how to best structure things to my advantage – and I know my weaknesses. That’s pretty much the best you can do anyways. Most of what I find online is about school-age kids, and I’m a little bit past worrying about it being an issue in school.
Some people probably think I’m being overly dramatic and looking for things that aren’t there. But it is what it is, and I don’t really care if it’s something you can pin a name on or not. (It just makes it a little easier to describe and understand!) I have troubles understanding verbal speech and need to work a little harder than most people. That’s pretty much what it boils down to.
Natalie, you could have been my 19yr old daughter because this is exactly what her problem is. They’ve done alot of testing, but on top of being dyslexic she has an auditory processing disorder. She plays basketball for the University and when the coach tries to teach them a new play on the fly she waits until the huddle breaks up and then re-states what she THINKS she heard and makes sure she gets it right. But pre-diagnosis, we were wondering if she had some hearing problems and that led her to take ASL in high school for her foreign language. She loved it so much that she took it all four years and plans on a future either in business interpreting or something. I know this isn’t exactly what you’re saying is happening with you but this sounded SO much like her and how FURIOUS she gets when she can’t understand someone speaking over the phone. Its maddening!
oh.. and as far as testing for all the issues in the spectrum… if your health insurance won’t pay (most do) the state will pay for ANY testing, training, meds… whatever for someone with a disability if they qualify and you have to be pretty well off here to be disqualified financially. AND… you never know what other issues may show up in testing that you’d never think of looking into. Its really fascinating!
I suspect I have that, or something similar. Aside from ADD problems, I have the same problem, and phone, or loud/busy spaces, or even having somebody have their back to me, will really make it difficult for me to process what somebody is saying.
*hugs*
It’s at least worth pursuing further with your therapist to see if there’s anything they can do, or help with, or advise?
“Over time I have learned to prepare myself to use the phone. Speaking to people I know well is fine now, but for all other calls I have a process. I get a pen and paper ready, I jot down notes, I rehearse, and I have to have complete quiet.”
Dude that is so me! I always wondered if it just had something to do with my general anxiety and in a way I’m sure it does but I’ve noticed times when if I’m not speaking with somebody face to face I’m more likely to be like huh..what did you say? Even though it is like I KNOW I just heard them but my brain didn’t process it. Really weird.
And like the being given instructions thing… that was me on my last job. I can learn really fast, but sometimes they would give me instructions on a whim and I felt like I would want to melt down b/c I didn’t have enough time to process it. When nobody was around I would right everything down and rehash it and be fine but verbal instructions on a whim that I couldn’t write down…uggh.
I seriously wonder if I don’t experience something similar. Very interesting info.
Several of my students have an auditory processing disorder. The accommodations we put in place are pretty much as you describe, written directions instead of verbal, extra time to process, distraction free environment.
If you do get a chance for testing, it might be worth your while. Auditory processing disorder can be co-morbid with other learning disorders that you might not be aware of. Also, having the official diagnosis makes you eligible for reasonable accommodations in the workplace. It doesn’t seem like you have any issues at your current job, but it’s helpful to have that protection.
My husband has APD. He was deaf until he was 4.5 and missed that critical period of language development. Living with this is very doable once you know how to work with it.
Wow… that just described me. I’ve always wondered why I had such a hard time talking on the phone or understanding people on the phone. And I love written communication too far more than face to face.