A Present for Devin
In June of this year, the day that my neice was born a mere three months after Devin’s birth and death, I entered our local Hallmark store for the first time since I was pregnant. I was looking for a gift for my neice and knew I would find it there – it had lots of very cute, appropriate baby items. Items that mean something, not just the same old bear or rattle. I found what I was looking for, but instead of darting out of the store I found myself standing in front of the baby boy section. I touched the plush rattle I had seen months before, looked at the baby boy memory books and little blue piggy banks, tears welling up in my eyes as I struggled to stand against the wave of emotion within me. Amongst all of the items there was a soft blue taggies blanket, and my hand went to it of its own accord. I picked it up, thinking how perfect it was – no, would have been – for Devin. With a heavy sorrow I put it back and left.
A few days ago I was back in that store shopping for Christmas gifts, and again I found myself standing in front of the baby section. This time I didn’t cry. The blanket was still there. I picked it up again, considering. But… no. I put it back.
It turns out we had to go back to that store today to pick up one last gift. I ran to the back to grab the blanket, and turned to my husband who had walked up behind me. Apologetically I said, “I know it might be stupid, but I need this blanket.” So today I bought it… for Devin. Even though he’s not here. I’m here. And I need it.
See, Sheepie really likes it. ;)
As I started this entry I thought how very fitting the title was before I even knew it: this was a present for Devin… as a way of keeping him present in our lives. It’s not just that Devin was. He is, and always will be.
He will. And it’s so important (I think, or at least, it is to me) to have those reminders, be they physical, or written, or what have you, of the people who have touched us so.
I’m so glad you went back for the blanket. It’s not stupid at all. You needed, Devin needed it, and that’s a lovely way of keeping him present in your lives. Sheepie and the blanket are both so sweet. I’m thinking of you and hoping.
It’s gorgeous. I love it.
i love it. *sniff*
OMG you have me in tears, nat, TEARS. but they are not the “I feel so sorry for you OMG” tears. No, they are the, “wow, the power of love…the love between parents and their children…” kinda tears. it is easy to forget just how strong that bond is, and you reminded me. i still love D. he is missing, he should be running around torturing his twin brother. there is an angel ornament on our tree for him. we also have an ornament that is for twins, but in the spot for his photo is an ultrasound picture.
thanks for reminding me that it’s not that we loved our lost little ones, we LOVE them. we remember them.
((hugs))
Its perfect…
How lovely. Devin is with you.
I love it. It is beautiful and you, as Devin’s mommy, know what you need. What a great gift for him.
lovely blanket and lovely post xo
How sweet. Love the blanket!!
Aww…Merry Christmas, little angel. : )
The hardest part about a loved one dying is going on living without them. If this makes that easier on you then I’m a huge advocate!
i love it Nat! it is beautiful. There are things that we just need and good for you for getting it! it is gorgeous. Devin would have loved it too…I’m glad to see that Sheepie is enjoying it!
It’s too cute! It sounds like you adore it so much. Take care *hugs*
oh!!!!
awww i love it! I want one toooo. did you want to keep it clean forever? you might want to get another one, so your next baby can use one too. They are so perfect. Heard a lot of great things about them, babies love that different texture. i got joslyn a stuffed horse i found here in spain. it reminded me of her so i had to get it.