Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies

Outside

Sep 1, 2012 — 10:14 pm

I am going through a bunch of stuff right now. I don’t think I ever posted these pics, but they are too cute not to share. :)

Birthday Wishes

Sep 2, 2012 — 10:55 pm

On the eve of my birthday I lay here in bed next to my littlest one, listening to her breathe. Every once in a while she nuzzles me or stretches her hand out on my chest. It is dark, a window open; it is quiet except for the sound of the fan. Her long hair tickles my nose as I kiss the top of her head.

I think to myself, what more could I ask for my birthday. This, right here, is bliss. Not esctatic, crazy excitement but just the simple joy of being a mother. A quiet life, a happy life. Warmth.

I have been thinking about Devin a lot, trying to include him in my day to day. I think of him today, how he brought me hope and joy and motherhood. I am thankful for him just as much as I am for my girls.

Life is often not what you expect, is it. I never would have thought that I would be happy for my life after all the sorrows. I never would have thought a lot of things… like Ember. So unexpected, so perfect in her own way.

::

30 is a lot of years. Well not a lot, but still. I am not quite sure how this happened.

I have to ask, though: do you ever really feel like an adult? Maybe I just need to get used to this 30 thing.

Attitude

Sep 4, 2012 — 11:27 pm

Ember is really starting to show some spunk. She has been a pretty easy going baby thus far, even too much for my liking! But she’s working on some new developments and has worked out some truths about this world.

Such as: mama comes when I cry. I’ll hear the “I’m awake and bored and I think I am maybe a little uncomfortable here” cry, and I’ll start hurrying with whatever I’m doing. But recently instead of just continuing the whines she will suddenly start really really angrily screaming, as if saying WTF mom, where are you?! I’m waiting here!! She gets herself all worked up in a short amount of time and then has to nurse. Even if she’s not hungry. And then her brain resets and she smiles at me and blows bubbles.

Another thing she has figured out: There are fun things that her body can’t do yet. No longer is she content to just lay in the crook of my arm and look around at all the pretty colors. She’s now doing crunches and making “GrrrrRARRRRRRRR!” sounds as she’s trying to pull herself into a sitting position… except, you know, she can’t sit. Today she was getting really frustrated because she didn’t want to be held on my lap, she didn’t want to lay down, but obviously if I sat her up and let go she’d topple over and then that would piss her off too. She also gets really growly when she’s grabbing at things and apparently they aren’t doing what she wants them to do or something – I’m not really sure, I just know she’s grabbing her toy over and over and then out of nowhere she just starts howling.

I’m getting the nagging feeling that I am going to have another early walker on my hands. Just a hunch. Maybe I’m wrong. Actually, scratch that, this is Ember we’re talking about here…. I’m not going to make any guesses about what she will or won’t do!

::

I finally caved and bought a double stroller. I got the new Graco Ready2Grow because of the second seat: it faces you instead of facing forward, and it’s removable so the stroller becomes a sit-and-stand. At the very least we can use it at day-long events like air shows, fairs and amusement parks. I think I’m going to end up using it more than that, though, because Ember really seems to like riding in it. This is weird to me because Kate much preferred to be worn close to my body than set in a stroller. Ember is okay with being worn for brief stretches, but for any kind of longer excursion she really wants to be put down. We went to a fair yesterday and Ember was so good! She was happy even when we were ignoring her because Kate was tantruming, she only really cried when she needed to be changed or fed.

So yeah, Kate’s day at the fair was not what I had hoped for. It wasn’t even the fair itself, she woke up in a miserable mood after her nap and it just never got better.

There were two rides that she was tall enough to go on, and I was so excited about it – and nervous. I put her up on a ride-on motorcycle and did up the safety strap. It was pretty loose. We had to sit and wait for other kids to get on the ride and Kate was fidgeting and fussing with the buckle and started saying, “Down! Down!” I was having all these visions of her trying to crawl off the ride while it was moving, or her throwing a fit before it even started, but we managed to keep her sitting there until they started the ride. And then? She had FUN!! She was unsure at first and then she started cracking a smug little smile.

But then… uber meltdown when she was told the ride was over. We let her go on the ride a couple more times later on, and every time she would freak out kicking and sobbing and screaming “MOTORCYCLE!!” While I would have happily stayed and hung out longer at the fair it was ridiculous behavior so we left. But at least we had some fun for a while.

Write it all down

Sep 7, 2012 — 12:42 am

I do a lot of writing about what the girls are doing, how they behave, what they are learning. I realized that I do very little writing about what is going on in the world around us. I want to get back to writing for me – my thoughts, my life, my opinions. I feel a little broken, though. I’ve become a lot more sensitive in the past few years, a lot less able to take a stand and hold an opinion. I don’t know why that is – I thought it would go the other way, but I’ve lost some confidence and conviction. It’s really bothering me right now and I need to find a way to get it back. I am unsure what I am going to do with this blog, either have everything here together or move the kids’ updates elsewhere. I just don’t know.

The other thing I thought about is how neat it would be for the girls to one day be able to look back at our life in the bigger picture, to see history unfold through our family’s eyes. Of course maybe they won’t care, but I always err on the side of writing everything down. I feel like I’m a hoarder of memories. I relentlessly toss stuff from my house but I keep every picture and note and journal. I know I won’t likely ever need the info, and the most the girls will do is compare their children to their own development, but I just feel like I need to have it just in case.

When they say the words

Sep 7, 2012 — 3:08 am

2am Kate wakes up sobbing. Well I’m up anyways for some stupid reason, so why not have her join the party. I have to lay on the couch with her until she calms down, then I let her watch TV while I finish up a few things. (Yes, I’m such a night owl that I was in fact working on some projects and tidying up at 2am.)

Finally it’s time for bed, which I tell her. She walks down the hall to her bedroom and climbs up on her bed. I put the blanket over her and try skipping the song (Twinkle Twinkle), but she calls me on it: “Siiinngggggg!” I sing then turn on her Violet and kiss her on the forehead and say goodnight. As I close the door behind me I hear her call out, “Ni-night, Mama!”

Melts my heart. Even at 3am.

So different

Sep 8, 2012 — 7:47 pm

I remember reading on more than one occasion that no child is raised the same as another child (as it pertains to behavioral theory and nature vs. nurture and all that). I understood that logically, factually, but it didn’t really make full sense to me, I mean if kids are raised in the same house with the same parents and same values and such. My gut said it was pretty much the same. I didn’t fully appreciate just how different it would be until I had two kids.

Yes we are the same parents and this is the same house, but what a different experience it is to have only one live child as a baby as compared to having a baby when you have a toddler. There is so much more noise and bustle and things to do; more demands on mom and dad, less time for sitting and relaxing. The house looks totally different than it did when Kate was little as it is now cluttered with all kinds of toddler toys; what do you want to bet Ember wants to play with all those rather than the silly baby toys. The routine, too, is totally different. With Kate I made it all up as I went along, adapting our outings and daily lives around her naps and needs. This time, well, Kate takes precedence – she only gets one nap a day so by default is is the most important, Ember’s naps can and will fluctuate around that. Our outings are mostly for Kate, Ember is happy observing whatever goes on.

It’s now quite easy for me to see why there are certain similarities between first borns and youngest children – the family dynamics shift each each kid, adapting to the new structure. The older child has to become a little more independent, to do things themselves when they are capable; the youngest gets shlepped around and hopefully is okay with being put down while mama chases after a toddler or makes lunch.

I’m not saying it’s bad – far from it. It’s full, it’s different. You lose some one-on-one time with the kids, but gain the interaction between them. I find it fascinating from a scientific viewpoint.

The zoo

Sep 13, 2012 — 11:37 pm

We took the girls to the zoo on Monday, but instead of one of the small local ones we went to a larger one that is an hour and a half drive away.

Kate really seemed to enjoy herself, pointing out the animals (horray, she noticed there are animals!). She also seemed to enjoy climbing large decorative rocks about as much as looking at the animals. There were rides, of which Kate could only go on two plus the bounce house, but that was enough for her anyways. This time we bought her an unlimited ride wristband so she could go on as many times as she wanted to avoid the meltdown at the end of the ride and while it wasn’t a bad idea she didn’t seem to really need it this time, she was happy to go off in search of the next best thing.

There was a dog show that I wanted to see and walking up to the stage area Kate started shouting, “a-coo! A-coo!” I had no idea what she was talking about until she ran over to a sign and pointed, “A CWOO!” she said insistently and tapped a big paw print. Ah-ha! A clue! She’s been watching Blues Clues lately. She was so excited to find a clue, I think it made her day, ha! Of course the dog show itself held her attention for less than 5 minutes, but whatever.

We rode on a “train” in the woods and got to see a bunch of elk up close and personal. Kate didn’t want to sit still so she alternated between sitting on the seat and sitting on daddy’s lap, which was fine. Ember had fallen asleep in my [borrowed] Beco carrier before the train ride so I left her in it, expecting her to wake up halfway through and be thoroughly ticked off. Nope! The kid slept through the entire thing, and continued sleeping after we got off!

We timed the drive so that Ember was ready for her first nap for the drive there, which worked out perfectly. Kate was awake the whole time and I had food and my phone ready as distractions if she started getting cranky, but she was great! Then on the ride home it was a bit trickier because Ember had taken such a long nap in the Beco. Kate was way past her nap time and needed to sleep but we waited for a while until Ember started showing signs of being mellow again, then we packed up and left. Kate fell asleep almost as soon as I put her in the car seat… handed her a paci and she just slumped and there was not a twitch or peep from her until we got home. Ember was awake for a good while and then she too fell asleep for a while, then woke up and hung out for a bit. She only started grumping about 2 minutes from our house. What successful timing!! I’m encouraged that we can do longer day trips now if we want to!

Singing and Standing

Sep 17, 2012 — 1:12 am

Today Kate said to me, “Udder room? In.. in kitsen!” She wanted me to go in the kitchen with her.

I’ve noticed she’s telling me a lot of stories now, describing things she sees and what she knows. She’ll talk about the airplane flying in the sky, or the green trees, or how the dog is barking. She also tells me thinks she wants, like cereal with milk, or to go in the car to see so-and-so. The phrases and descriptions are just flying now! It’s amazing how much more she is verbally communicating.

She can sing along with us with Twinkle Twinkle and the ABCs. She’s now singing most of the words – not all correct, but she’s got a lot of it down!

She is singing the notes to her piano. It has 8 notes (as numbers 1-8), one octave. She now understands that each note gets progressively higher pitched and now she’s trying to emulate it. I love that she is learning some music skills!

At playgroup on Friday we did some dancing and movement to kids songs. Last year Kate didn’t really follow much, she just did her own thing. This time she was totally into it and was wholeheartedly hopping like a bunny, shaking her bum, whatever the leader did she did too – with gusto! She was cracking everyone up with her enthusiasm. I’m thinking it’s time to try a structured class or two!

::

Meanwhile, Ember is turning into a big little baby. She’s still smiling and happy, and she’s generally pretty quiet. At a family BBQ family was again asking me, “Does she ever cry??” She was passed around to the grandmas, carried around and sat on laps and only complained when she was hungry. She really enjoying being around people and watching everything.

She seems more cuddly than she was the first couple months, a fact I am very appreciative of! She still doesn’t care to be facing in trapped against my chest, but now that she can lift her head and look around she doesn’t immediately freak out about it either. Facing in or out I sneak in a lot of kisses and she lets me. :)

Reclining is no longer an option for this kid. Bouncer? Limited. She wants to be sitting up in our lap or held upright or standing in the exersaucer. I already took out the pillow behind her! She has enough trunk control that she is fine standing, and I notice she is actually standing up, not just sitting there. If I provide stability so she doesn’t fall over she can and does stand on her own. It’s looking like she’s going to be another early walker like Kate was – Kate was showing the same standing preferences.

She does still love the swing, however. She’s discovered the mirror above her in the mobile and she is ridiculously adorable as she coos and smiles and kicks her legs excitedly as she talks to her reflection. It still works for naps, too – if she’s tired she’ll fall asleep. I let her nap in it for the morning nap and the evening nap, but for the mid-day nap I’ve been putting her to bed in our bedroom at the same time that Kate takes her nap. The quiet allows both kids to get a pretty good sleep! I’m nursing Ember to sleep on our bed, but she’s easy to then move or just get up and leave. Even if her eyes are open watching me, if she’s sleepy enough she’ll just get comfortable and fall asleep.

Learning lessons

Sep 20, 2012 — 2:38 pm

One of the things that irritates me is when people come to conclusions about all children everywhere based on their one child. I was guilty of this too, in fact. I was a hardcore “Attachment Parent” with Kate, especially when it came to sleep. She needed me and for close to a year I could barely sneak away after nursing her to sleep. I co-slept all night. I took naps with her. I wore her everywhere and she napped on me or wherever we were. She would not sleep in any swing, bouncer, pack’n’play, crib or any other device that did not have the name of MAMA. (Okay, that’s a lie… she would sleep on daddy. Or anyone, really, as long as she had warm arms.) I never planned to do it that way. We had a swing, a cosleeper, a crib. I had envisioned putting my baby to sleep in her bed. We started out doing just that, in fact. It was a week in when she informed me that wasn’t going to work for her and it didn’t again for a long time.

And the thing is, even though I was doing what my child needed and listening to my instincts and just being the Mama, sometimes I wondered if I was doing something wrong. All these articles out there, all this opinion about sleep and just having to “tough it out” and “train them.” We tried a few times… it failed spectacularly. Kate had not read those articles. A big part of me couldn’t understand how anyone got their baby to sleep on their own. Were they torturing their children?? It certainly felt like torture when we tried it. Like every fiber of her being was screaming in fear of being left alone forever, that the ground was going to swallow her whole and spit her out into outer space. I tried to have perspective, I tried to take a step back, and I certainly never said anything to anyone… but I wondered. What were people doing to their children? Clearly forcing them to sleep alone was horrible.

Enter Ember. We set up the cosleeper and the swing again, but I rolled my eyes at them. I knew what a baby needed. I was ready. And she… didn’t need any of it. She sleeps beautifully in the swing. She’ll sleep in the middle of my bed when I put her down, all splayed out and apparently happy. In fact I discovered that she sleeps better for naps if I put her down in a different room! I now put her in the rock’n’play or on my bed and leave her there. At night I put her in the cosleeper. Okay, yes, she does end up sleeping beside me after she nurses a few times, but that’s mostly because I’m lazy. I could move her back and she’d be fine. I get up in the morning and she continues sleeping.

She’s going through a little rough patch, she’s a bit cranky and fighting naps. What Kate needed during those times was extra cuddles, holding, bouncing. I tried that with Ember and she still wouldn’t sleep. What does work? Leaving her. Contrary to all my expectations, all my learning from my first child, all my previous beliefs as a parent… if I leave her in her swing while she grumbles and whines and squawks, if she is tired and needs a nap she will fall asleep.. and sleep well. Now of course I do not leave her screaming and sobbing hysterically, that’s different. But I didn’t even have a concept for this. I really thought that people meant they would leave their baby to scream themselves hoarse until they fell asleep… because that’s how it was with Kate, that was the only other option.

Ember certainly has a lot to teach me… humility being #1. Those rules that I built and used for Kate worked… for Kate. They do not necessarily apply to anyone else. Ember has a different set of rules. I realize now that you really can’t judge someone for what works for their child – you just don’t know.

Also it occurs to me that Ember is probably the “normal” one. Kate was “special.” Good thing I had her first.

Sisterly love

Sep 23, 2012 — 8:49 am

One day I hope Ember appreciates what an amazing big sister she has. I know she will never remember these things, but I will.

I’ll remember how at the hospital when Ember were in the NICU Kate would try marching right into the NICU to see “Baby!” Then when we were bringing you home we went out to the car and put Kate in first – where she promptly burst into tears because she thought we were leaving Ember behind.

After we had been home for a while Kate was still all hugs and kisses, often crawling on top of the bouncer to give Ember proper hugs. Whenever the baby was playing on the bed or floor Kate would immediately run over to lay down too, resting her head next to her sister’s and trying to hold her hand. I was prepared to deal with some jealousy over the new baby but the worst I had was Kate asking to sit on my lap once in a while – something I don’t mind at all!

Now, 4 months in, it’s not any different. Kate was concerned the other day when I took just her to go swimming, in she kept asking where Baby Ember was.

She frequently asks to hold the baby and tells me that I should put her in the jumper or in the exersaucer to play. Ember keeps trapping her arm down beside her body; each time Kate said, “Oh no! Stuck!” and helped her arm back out.

We are spending time downstairs, so I have the monitor on when Ember is napping upstairs. When Ember started crying Kate said, “Emmer!” and went rushing towards the door, apparently determined to go rescue her sister herself.

I was afraid that she would be jealous, but instead she seems to think Ember is her new best friend. I think it won’t be long before they will be playing and laughing together. Seeing the two of them together makes my heart so happy.

I have two really amazing daughters.