Slept through the night!
So that last post? I went to bed because I didn’t hear her moving around anymore. I then woke up at 6am with a start and realized she never woke up. First emotion: elation! Second emotion: fear. I tried going back to bed but that wasn’t happening. I crept into her room and laid my hand lightly on her back to feel her breathing in and out. I then did it again, just for extra reassurance. My therapist told me the first time she slept through the night I’d think something happened to her… well she was right. Not freaking out of my mind panic, but just the kind of nagging “what if” that you really can’t let go of until you check just to be SURE. Of course she was fine, she had just slept through the night. 7 hours. Without me. In her room. Holy SHIT. This kid still typically goes 2 hours without me, max. When I went in there I found her sound asleep on the other side of the bed where she had crawled over onto my blanket (I keep one in there for when I sleep with her). Apparently she likes the softer feeling… not that I blame her. Most importantly she clearly woke up, move around and put herself back to sleep. Without crying. And slept another 3+ hours.
My excitement about this event was slightly diminished by a few comments of, “8 months old and her first time sleeping through the night? Wow, I’m sorry.” I don’t even bother getting into the whole explanation. I can sort of understand – if I was getting up and running into her room five times a night I would indeed be rather sleep-deprived and would want the situation to change as soon as possible. But I’m not, and I don’t. To me it’s like her learning how to crawl…. it’s another milestone in her development, whether it happens at 3 months or 9 months.
Also I really have to bite my tongue around the people who told us that she would never learn to sleep if we didn’t let her cry to “teach” her. No crying. No training. Just gentle encouragement and little baby steps along the way. I’m pretty certain that one day she’ll be sleeping on her own in her own room every night, one day I’ll be able to read her a story and kiss her and she’ll fall asleep. But it was nice that people made me feel slightly neurotic about her sleep habits, I really needed that. Maybe it’s a rite of passage that all mothers need to worry that they’re screwing up their children.
The night following she did not sleep through again, but I was actually really glad she didn’t. Den was out late and I was tired so I went to bed after putting Kate down. I was tired and yet… I just layed there, awake. My baby was asleep in her own room, my husband was out, and the dogs were downstairs (they have to stay downstairs until he comes home because they bark like mad when he comes in). Normally we’re all in the bedroom. Normally there’s three of us sharing the bed. Now I can go without my husband, he snores. But wow did I feel lonely. And I realized how much better I feel when she’s sleeping next to me. Yes it’s a little harder physically, I have to sleep in certain positions and give up a portion of my side of the bed (who am I kidding, I have to give up most of it!). But emotionally and mentally it is so much easier. It is so reassuring to be able to touch her, to see her breathing. It’s such a special time when we go to bed to cuddle up to her, to hold her while she is peaceful and sleeping. One day she’ll be too big and the moment will have passed. I will always be thankful that I took the opportunity while I had it.