Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies

Another Few More Days

Jun 3, 2006 — 10:20 pm

My chart totally sucks this month. My temps took a dive, but I don’t know if that could be caused by the AC or what. But at least people agree that I probably did ovulate, thanks to that one + OPK I got… at least I have that. My CM dried up too, so it’s a pretty good guess that I did ovulate.

I’m getting close to my expected arrival of AF. It snuck up on me. I’m getting very anxious about it, too. I tested two days ago, way too early. I haven’t taken any tests since because I just don’t expect anything and I don’t want to see any negatives again. I think I’ll test tomorrow. If I believed in god I’d be praying. I want it to be positive so bad. I want this to be the month.

Stomach Cramps

Jun 4, 2006 — 6:44 pm

Today I don’t feel so good. I woke up with my stomach feeling a bit sore and I thought it was hunger. Den brought home dinner, so we ate. I still feel like crampy. At this point I can’t tell if it’s AF on its way or if it’s something else. I’m willing to bet it’s AF though. :( I didn’t take a preg test today again…

AF

Jun 4, 2006 — 7:24 pm

AF showed. :( *cries*

Cramps

Jun 4, 2006 — 11:41 pm

Holy crap, the cramps. So not fun. These are just plain wicked. Taken two midol in about an hour’s span, and they finall lessened some. Earlier it was almost to the can’t sit still I’m in too much pain point. You know, if there were a point to these cramps – like, say, pushing a baby out – I wouldn’t feel too badly about it. But cramps for the sake of cramps? No thanks.

Checklist

Jun 5, 2006 — 5:06 am

Things I need to get checked with a bloodtest:

* All those diseases the Midwife jotted down
* My blood type (need to find out Den’s as well)
* Immunity to Chicken Pox and Rubella

I need to make that appointment.

Emotional

Jun 5, 2006 — 5:18 am

(X-Posted to the forum)

It’s many hours later and I’m still dealing emotionally. Every month it hits me harder and harder. The first few months there was the feeling that “oh well, I’m not luckier than average.” Now every month is a bigger disapointment and looming is the thought that something is wrong with one of us. DH and I take turns reassuring each other that our time will come, but how do we know that? There’s no reason we shouldn’t be pregnant by now. I’ve been ovulating perfectly, get EWCM, have sex on the days leading up to O. And nothing is happening.

I’m just so sad. I’m laying in bed with my laptop, crying. I was up late throwing myself into stupid little projects, like changing the color theme on one of my websites. Every month I get my period I have this ritual of things – I update my cycle list, I write down the info, I print off the finished cycle chart and put it in my binder. It helps give me a little bit of closure. It helps me feel productive, instead of helpless. But I’ve done all that and it hasn’t helped much. What I WANT to be doing is making a pregnancy ticker and a baby site and all that stuff.

I just can’t believe we’re onto our 8th month of trying. I never even considered it would take us this long. After reading all about TTCing I knew some healthy couples take a year to get pregnant, but I never really thought it would be ME, you know? Almost all my friends got pregnant within a few months, except for one who was having very obvious cycle problems (not ovulating). I guess this is one thing I didn’t want to be “different” at.

Fertility Testing

Jun 5, 2006 — 8:59 am

Okay, just doing some reading through the library site. (I have discovered ebooks. It is not a particularily good ebook, but it’s something I can read now, as opposed to waiting for the good books to be shipped to the local library.) Basic info:

Things to be checked / Tests that can be performed:

For the Male

  • Semen Analysis

(Yeah, that’s basically it.)

For the Female

  • Tubes
    • HSG (dye test, check for blockages)
    • Lap (surgical proceedure, sample)
  • Cervical Mucus
    • Post-coital test (check how the spermies do in the CM)
  • Hormones & Ovulation
    • Check progesterone levels (1-3 blood tests in LP)
    • Endometrial biopsy (tissue sample)
    • Pelvic ultrasound (can see follicles developing)
    • Day-3 FSH levels (evaluate egg reserves)
    • Prolactin (blood test, hormone that can screw up cycles)
    • TSH (thyroid function – can really mess up cycles

Wasn’t that fun. (Not.) Apparently there’s a lot of things that can go wrong in a female. Everything surgical is off-limits for the time being and for some time to come – not willing to go there yet. *shudder* But I would not be adverse to getting my progesterone checked and maybe a pelvic ultrasound and the FSH checked.

Of course first things first: sperm analysis. That’s first. My testing can wait another few months.

Insurance Coverage for MA

Jun 8, 2006 — 4:57 pm

I’ve been reading the books I have for whatever sections they include on infertility treatments. It got me wondering about costs of these things – one of the books lists IVF as costing between $6000 to $10000 per retrieval (which also lists a success rate of about 26%). Gulp. So I looked it up online. Here’s what I found:

MASSACHUSETTS

1987
Mass Gen Laws Ann. Ch. 175, Section 47H, ch. 176A, Section 8K, ch.176B, Section 4J, ch 176G, Section 4, and 211 CMR 37.00

DEFINITION OF INFERTILITY/PATIENT REQUIREMENTS

Infertility means the condition of a presumably healthy individual who is unable to conceive or produce conception during a period of one year.

COVERAGE

* All insurers providing pregnancy-related benefits shall provide for the diagnosis and treatment of infertility including the following:
o artificial insemination;
o IVF;
o GIFT;
o sperm, egg and/or inseminated egg procurement and processing, and banking of sperm or inseminated eggs, to the extent such costs are not covered by the donor’s insurer, if any;
o ICSI;
o ZIFT
* Insurers shall not impose any exclusions, limitations or other restrictions on coverage of infertility drugs that are different from those imposed on any other prescription drugs.
* The law does not limit the number of treatment cycles and does not have a dollar lifetime cap.

EXCEPTIONS

* Insurers are not required to cover (but are not prohibited from covering) experimental infertility procedures, surrogacy, reversal or voluntary

[RESOLVE]

That’s great! This does mean that the insurance is not required to cover anything until it’s been a year, not so great as we want to get his sperm analysis done within the next couple of months. I’ll have to hunt down more information on that. But this is great news that if we ever get to the point that we need to consider something high-tech it will be covered by our insurance.

Newborn

Jun 10, 2006 — 2:57 pm

Had another one of those dreams… this time I gave birth and they took the baby away right away… I really can’t remember why. But there was some “reason” the baby needed to be away from me for x days. Well halfway through that I started freaking out and wanted my baby – I didn’t even get to find out if it was a girl or a boy. I called and they brought the baby to me… it was a girl! But they were all nervous that I would hurt her because I didn’t have any clue what I was doing. I breastfed in the dream, I was having some really weird all-over sensations… weird!! And in the dream Den was away, so I called him and made sure he came to me when he got back… and he showed up to see his baby girl. :)

Queasy

Jun 10, 2006 — 2:59 pm

PS – I’ve been having some weird stomach upsets and been very gassy (sorry, TMI) for several days now. My period’s over and I still feel that weird queasy feeling. *sigh* A part of me thinks I could still be pregnant – but that’s a very small part of me, because I had a full, normal period and my temp is back down.

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